This is a traditional profile:
My name is Isobel I am from New York, but took a brief hiatus to attend university in Scotland for four years. I speak Scottish fluently. I first learned the power of writing in Kindergarten when Mrs K asked the class to write what we wanted to be when we grew up on a 5x7 card and accompany it with an original colored pencil drawing. As I pondered, I heard my classmates proclaiming “doctor!” and “lawyer!” and I thought that was nice, but kind of whatever. My friend Teddie surprised me when she drew herself behind a big mahogany desk and wrote “CEO of PepsiCo,” which in retrospect was pretty rad and avant-garde. So as everyone was hunched over the stick figures that were sure to leave them with a lot of student debt, I went a different route. I had a strange obsession with Cindy Crawford and love of horses at the time so in my mind there was really only one thing I could feasibly grow up to be— I wrote down Swimsuit Model / Veterinarian and drew my future self in a tasteful one-piece swimsuit holding a clipboard. I think I even did mine in black and white to add drama. My parents were called in to speak with the teacher and it was on that day I realized the power of my pencil—writing garnered reactions. I really liked that. I haven’t graced the cover of Sport’s Illustrated Swimsuit edition, nor have I been featured in Natural Petmagazine (yet), but I continue to write and make what appear to be disparate ideas work in harmony.
If this were my Tinder profile:
Looking for a tall career with a sense of humor and at least three Hard Rock Café t-shirts.
If this were my Twitter profile:
Renaissance woman, minus the marriage at 14.
If this were an old-timey classified ad:
Industrious young lady with strong hands and strong work ethic seeks writing job. Is able to sit up unaided, has driver’s license, passport, university degree, and vivid imagination. Can work most television systems in strangers’ homes. References available upon request.
If this were my actual profile you could see my nose and eyelashes.
Oh my god this picture is so big on desktop.
